You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
