Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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