If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
even my farts smell like vagina
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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