I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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