Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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