My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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