i think i have two assholes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
