I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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