did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
