Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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