i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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