Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
