I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
