I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
