he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
