i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
