He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
