I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
