running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
