Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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