Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
