the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
