He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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