What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
