A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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