I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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