you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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