I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
