Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
