Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
