I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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