I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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