I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im holly from the hills drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
