went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
