I smell stomach acid.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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