I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
