bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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