I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
