The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
