Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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