pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
