Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
