morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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