There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
