I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
