well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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