It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
