He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
