he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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