can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ok first of all what the fuck
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
