I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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