I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
